The Random Adventures of the Cullens
by Horrible-Sanity-Poe
Summary: Random stories about the Cullens and Bella and what they do when they're REALLY bored!
1. Alice's Hair Part 1

Consequences! Muwhahaha!

" Darn!" I said as I heard the little pest come back from hunting with Emmett. I quickly pulled the cover over my piano and as quietly as I could, I headed toward the front door to escape. I reached the doorknob and there _she_ was. Just leaning there with a gleam in her eyes that were never a good sign. I was only way too familiar to what would happen next. She was going to tell a… a… story!

"There was once a vampire that was so weird that all of the girls in town just trembled in his presence."

"La la la! I can't hear you!"

"The weirdness was too much for them to handle."

"Shut up, Alice! Last warning I swear."

"But one day the weird-" I cut her off by grabbing her by the arm and flipped her over the couch sending her into the wall. All of Esme's vases on the shelves above her fell and crashed around us.

"I'll do it, Alice. Don't test me today." I warned her as I pulled her out of the mess and pinned her shoulder against the opposite wall.

"Edward! Get off me! I'll get Jasper up here."

"Go ahead! He'll take my side."

"Jasper! Get up here before I die!"

Jasper got up here before the words were out of her mouth. He just stood in the doorway, leaning up against the side with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He faked a yawn.

"What is it, Alice?"

"Edward won't get off me!"

"And…."

"Jasper Cullen! You had better get Edward off of me."

"You know what? This is really more of a job for Emmett to do. He turned to leave as he said it. Just before he was about to run down the stairs, Alice let out a threatening growl.

"Okay! Okay. Edward, please?"

"No! You know what she said to me?"

"What? Was she making fun of your weirdness gain?"

I was silent as I looked at him.

"Look at you two." He leaned against the doorway again." You guys are acting like a bunch of five year olds. But just to end this thing once and for all, you can do whatever you were gonna do."

This is one of the best days of my life! I got off of Alice and took hold of her feet and started to drag her toward the basement door. He nails dug into the carpet. Esme could kill me later for it.

"You brought this upon yourself, love." He bent down to giver her a kiss on the top of her head. She then reached out and tried to scratch his face and I continued to drag her toward the basement door. It was a good thing that he moved just in time.

"Have fun, you two. Edward?" I stopped to look at him with an evil gleam in my eyes. "Don't' go easy on her."

"Sure thing." Alice had let go of the carpet in shock. This made it much easier. Then she let out a high-pitched scream that turned into a growl.

"YOU TWO ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!"

"Muwhahaha!" I was going to have so much fun with her. She could do anything she wants after I'm done with her.

"Anything, but this Edward! Anything!" she screamed all the way down the basement.

"Pshh! Now way! Like Jasper said, you brought this upon yourself. Now duffer the consequences! Haha!

"No…! That was the last thing she said before I shut the door and dead bolted it.


	2. Alice's Hair Part 2

I came up out of the basement covered in hair. It was almost clear when I saw Emmett coming toward me. He asked what was all over me. I told him that he would soon find out. I had to find Jasper first.

Eventually, after searching the whole first and second floor, I found Jasper in his study reading. I knocked on the door to be polite.

"Come in."

I walked in and sat in the comfortable chairs across from his desk.

"I hope you weren't too rough on her. You know, I'm the one that has to live with her right?"

"Yeah. I know. She'll be fine and hopefully she has learned from this experience to not mess with me." I had an evil smirk on my face.

"If this does end badly, I'm coming after you. She's my whole world."

The smirk vanished as fast as it had come on. "What do you mean, exactly, by coming after me?"

"You know what I mean." He was glowering at me.

"Aww… Right. Well, then you might not want to come downstairs for just until I can run away."

"What the heck did you do?!"

"Nothing." He gave me a look that was like when a father knows their son in lying to them. "Okay, okay. I sort of cut off her hair." I moved so that the chair was in between Jasper and me.

"What?!"

"It not really that drastic. I think I actually did a pretty good job my self."

"I can't believe what you have done. She's going to be furious!! I just hope that she gets to you before I get to you."

"EMMETT!!"

"You rang?" Emmett said staying in the doorway.

"Would you mind escorting me downstairs, please?"

"Uhh… sure. Why, though?"

"Let's just say that there is a certain someone that's going to kill me."

He looked over at Jasper and took one look at his face told Emmett everything.

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"Oh and another thing. Can you also be my bodyguard for a few hundred years?"

"Sure."

"You know you were always my favorite brother, right?"

"Sweetness!"

We eventually got downstairs before mostly unscathed. Just as we were heading down the second flight of stares, Rosalie decided to come up the stairs in one of her skanky outfits that she likes to wear. Anyway, she walked past us and Emmett decided to go all gaga over it and ended up following Rosalie to their bedroom. He eventually came out, but Jasper got is own swipe at me. It took a lot longer than normal for my arm to reconnect to my body though. I would have to tell Carlisle about that.

"Where the heck were you, you moron? I got my arm ripped off."

"Sorry…. Hehe… about that…. Well it's back on isn't?"

"That's not the point. Let's just go get Alice."

Stupid, moronic Emmett followed behind me as I led the way to the basement.

"She's in there. Jasper can first right?" I asked as I stepped aside from the doorway.

"Alice? Are you still down here?"

"Maybe," came a little voice from down the darkness of the basement.

"Did Edward hurt you in any way?"

"Maybe."

Jasper turned at glared at me and let out a growl from deep inside him.

"Just go see her if you don't think that I left her in one piece."

"I'll go do just that thing."

He walked down the steep steps. Would Carlisle consider it an accident if he just happened to "trip" down the stairs? Better not risk it. I'm already on his bad side. Do _not_ want to see his evil side.

After about five minutes, Jasper came back up the stairs with Alice, who was wearing a hat to over her head.

"You are SO dead, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" She attempted to jump at me, but Jasper held her back.

"Just wait, Alice. You'll have your time. Don't worry."

"Okay."

They walked off together, I think to their room. Whatever. I just had to think of a way for the pest to not find me. I think I might hide out with Bella for a little while. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll do that.

I walked to my room and locked the door, like that was going to stop Alice, and took out my cell phone to call Bella.

"Hello?"

"Bella! You have to help me, love! Alice is going to literally kill me!"

"Edward! What did you do this time?"

"It make it like it was my fault that she wants to kill me…. Fine. I did something to her, only because she was annoying me while I was trying to write a song."

"Was the song for me?"

"I want to say yes. Will help me now?"

"Fine. She's not the only one that you have to watch now."

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You said yes, because then that would me that I would help you. You are so pathetic."

"I'll write you a song later, if you can keep me alive."

"How can I say no? Fine. Come over to my house and we'll think of something."

"Thank you, thank you, love!"

"Bye."

"Bye!"

I jumped out of my window and then made my way to Bella's house. I got there in about two minutes and jumped through her window, scaring her half to death. I chuckled at this.

"What the heck is wrong with you?"

"Sorry. Now where can I hide, 'cause Alice is like right on my heels."

"Umm…. My closet?"

"It'll have to do then, I guess.

I ran to closet and barracked the door with a bunch of random stuff that I found and sat in the farthest corner from the door. I could hear Alice talking to Bella.

"All right, Bella. Where is he?"

"I don't know who you mean."

"Oh yes, you do. Do you know what your beloved vampire did to me?"

There was silence for a while.

"Oh…. I didn't know he did _that_. Well, he's in the closet somewhere."

"Thank you so much, Bella."

There were footsteps getting closer and closer to the closet. I held my breath waiting for Alice. She opened the door and I let out a really high-pitched scream like a girl. I have no idea where that came from, trust me.

"Wow…. Very mature, Edward."

She got closer and pulled something out from behind her back. It was a….

**A/N: **Got any ideas what Alice has behind her back and what she will do with it? Put them in the reviews and one person will be lucky enough to have their idea put in the story and have full credit given to them. Please review. If don't get enough, I _might_ cancel the story all together. So, please, PLEASE review. Love you all, Aless! BTW, pronounced like "Alice".


	3. Dear Awesome Readers

Dear Awesomeness Readers:

I'm sorry to say that I won't be updating for all of the month of August. I'm going to be starting marching band camp then. I will be going from 7:45 in the morning to 3:00 in the afternoon. So, as you can see, I won't be able to have to update. You might be lucky, though. Sometimes they give us days off, so I'll think about updating something. We shall see. I'll be able to start updating again in September! Anyway, thanks for being patient! You guys rock!

Lots of love,

*Aless*


End file.
